Did I complain about toys?

I managed to sell some toys the last couple of days. Things I know we won't need again and too big to give away to family as they all live long distance (even Kevin's side).  It's nice to have some cash rolling in, and some space cleared out.  Some of the toys especially for the infant are quite large. Actually some of them were not toys but things that helps the parents with the baby like bath tubs or bouncers. Maybe I have a soul of a hoarder though coz when I felt so upset about letting these things go. I wish I have enough space for the things that will bring me back the memories. Photos are nice but to have that thing to touch, smell (Kurt's walker was made of wood), it just kills me to let them go.

Just a few minutes ago, I felt so sad that I just sat down for a minute, covered my face with my hands and give a small little sob. I remembered that I needed to reply to an email I got from a buyer saying her baby loves the items I sold to her. I suddenly had an image of Kurt walking fast with his walker with a huge smile on his face. He loves that thing too. It just hits me that I will never have that moment again. He's growing so fast that it felt like he only took a few days to walk which probably it did. That first year for a parent is so tough yet amazing. This little human that need our help to do everything even for some parents, to help them learn how to drink, eat and poop.   I miss it, I miss baby Kurt and baby Brigitta..now I have a toddler Kurt and preschool Brigitta. I love seeing the new things they learn but I wish they grow a bit more slowly so I can savor it and them a bit more.

Toys toys everywhere

I always was a little bit horrified by the amount of toys people (even my sis) have for their kids. As you can probably guess, this was before I have the two little ones.

Well, this morning, I really looked at my living room and realized that the whole place has toys everywhere. I have a small living room which also combines with the dining room so it's even more overwhelming.

But now I realized why this is so. Aside from all the developmental doo-dah that the manufacturers said the kids will enjoy. (they're kids, they will learn something even if you give them a stick), I realized it gives me a bit of time. Each toy lasts about 5 mins tops. Let's say I need 30 mins to cook, that's 6 different toys. I would also need time to go to the loo, shower and eat. So, yes you can imagine the mountain of toys i have in my house (and garage coz I rotate the toys).

Ah well, at least I'm rest assured that they're super developed mentally. ;)

T$ypIng ftom iPhone..(but not driving)

Oh anakku! (o my child!)

I think my kids are going to be smarter than me. They're already smarter then I was at their age.

A few days ago, Kurt peered in his box of treasures aka the fridge, and started gesturing that he wants something. I asked,' is it yogurt?' And he nodded while signing yogurt. When I picked his yogurt up (kids yogurt) he shook his head and started pointing and grunting. I was a bit puzzled but then realized he wanted MY yogurt that's hidden a bit behind other stuff - the cup is bigger, more colorful, a different brand. I didn't know that he knows it's yogurt. So I took it out and he nodded vigorously. I wouldn't have minded much except that it's the last cup left in the fridge, the little turkey!

Then Brigitta and I were talking one day and she was making a doll jump. I said, 'lompat' which is jump in Malay. She said it then i said, 'tian' which I believed was jump in Mandarin. She stopped, looked at me with this annoyed look and said strongly, 'No, it's TIAO!'. I laughed and said, 'oops, tiao'. Being corrected by a 3 yr old. What's next?

I guess I need to step up my game to keep up with these guys. :)

Haniza
T$ypIng ftom iPhone..(but not driving)

Poem- A weary mind

Why do I feel so down?
When the sky is so blue
And the sun shines so bright
And nothing is wrong

I have a roof over my head
I have enough food to eat
I should feel fine and at peace
But im all broody

It's funny how your mind
Is so powerful that it makes me feel
That its been raining for weeks
That the sun will never come out

To not feel that I am loved
When logically I know I am
To want to be cocooned
And run away...from myself

This is temporary I reminded myself
It's even a good thing, an education
To empathize with the others
Who see no end in this weariness

We are human after all
With our weaknesses
Our frailty, our anger, our anguish
Our depression



T$ypIng ftom iPhone..(but not driving)

What to do?

I'm thinking of starting a new business as soon as Kurt is a little bit more independent. Right now, he still needs a lot of attention. I figure next year would be good when he turns 2.

The thing is I'm racking my poor overtired sleep deprived brain on what to do. I even got a few books for ideas from the library but am too tired to read them at the end of the day. Instead I do laundry while vegging in front of the tv.

I can't even think of getting a normal job even part time. Having kids kinda spoiled me, i want something that I really love or something that makes me grow. I want my kids to feel inspired when they see me. It's funny, growing up, all I wanted was my parents to be proud of me, now it's my kids. Life is messy (esp with kids) and complicated and amazing. I hope my afterlife will be as or more enriching. Or maybe it'll just be eternal peace.

But right now, I need to brainstorm even when I'm changing a diaper full of poop. ( not fun when its cloth diapering)

Haniza

How do you cut a durian?

Just now while walking back to the car after shopping at the nearest asian grocery store, a lady stopped me and while pointing in my cart asked how do I eat that. I glanced down to where she's pointing, it was my Thai durian. She said she always wanted to try but not sure how to open it. I told her how I do it (with a serrated knife), she asked me if its a fruit and if its sweet, I affirmed to both questions and said its like yogurt and pudding. I'm just amazed that she's adventurous to try such a dangerous looking thing. I didn't tell her that though and I also didn't tell her about the smell...frozen durian doesn't smell as pungent as a fresh one.

Reaching 40 ...yay!

I don't usually do anything for my birthdays but reaching 40 is a big deal for anyone. The thing I enjoy most is hanging out with my family and friends so we did a little potluck, got a cake and just hung out. 

Me with K. Faridah the cakemaker.

Salman, Kyle and Adam

Pooi Yin, Sugitha and her daughter, Wani, Ayesha and Jasmine

We got tons of toys for the kids

Sheilla, K. Izzah, Azleena and K. Radziah

Brigitta cut herself before the party started, we didn't know what exactly happened but I'm glad we have a First Aid kit nearby.

Me, Daiana the new MIDA Director, Enola and Johanna. Daiana is my age and all this while the MIDA Director is usually someone much older.